It’s back-to-school season and change seems to be in the air. Piper isn’t starting school this year but there is a big BIG change on the horizon. She is starting daycare! Only two days a week, but even still it feels like a huge milestone in both her life, and mine. I’ve struggled with sharing this news on my blog because I am having a lot of mom guilt about it. While I know it will be so good for her I still feel a bit like I’m failing as a mom (specifically as a stay-at-home mom) if I admit I need some help. The very definition of a SAHM is being a full-time parent to your kids, right? So what does that mean when I send my kid to daycare two days a week?
I moved to a new city while I was pregnant with Piper and as a result forfeited the support system of family and friends I’ve had my entire life. I was so happy to be staying home with Piper and in the beginning it was exactly what I hoped it would be. A lot of long days but a lot of snuggles and thankfully some incredible mom friends to support me through it all. But I am at the point now where I feel like I could…no, WILL benefit from some time apart from Piper. Ugh, even typing that makes me cringe. What kind of mom wants to be away from her kid? I never thought I would be that mom. But Piper thrives around other kids and honestly I’m a better mom when I’ve had some time away from her. I forget what it’s like to miss her!
I wish I could just drop Piper off at my mom’s house for some “Nana” time so I could run errands or go to an appointment, but that’s not an option in this season of life. So after a lot of careful research we found a daycare that had a philosophy we loved. And by some stroke of the luck she got in after just two months on the waiting list! Daycare will have so many amazing benefits for her. Not only will she be learning and growing with teachers specifically trained to educate her age group, it’s also a great way for her to socialize with other kids. I guess I have mixed feelings about it all because I have friends who are SAHM’s slaying mom life and don’t have their kids in any kind of childcare. Oh yeah, and they do it without any help from family! But this is me being very vulnerable and saying that while I know I could do it (I mean, I HAVE been doing it for 1.5 years) I think Piper and I will both benefit from this next stage.
And while it’s not school, but it definitely feels like a new phase of motherhood. Another step in letting go and allowing her to grow into the person she is meant to be. And while I feel like I should be nervous about it, I’ll be candid again and say I’m actually not nervous at all. I am really, really excited. I can’t wait to see all the new things she is going to learn. The friends she will make. The experiences she will have. And all the while I’ll be filling up my emotional piggy bank by doing things that make me a better mom. I like to think it will all be meal prep and deep cleaning but I hope I’ll give myself enough grace to enjoy it a little bit too.
I guess this post is just a way for me to write out my insecurities and tell you (and myself) that mom guilt is stupid. We are all doing our best and that’s ok. Actually it’s better than ok – it’s exactly what your kid needs. So during this season of change I hope you remember not to feel guilty about your #momlife and embrace the things that work for your family! Happy September!