From the moment I found out I was pregnant I dreamed of having a little one that would think I was the coolest, smartest person ever (I distinctly remember feeling this way about my mom as a kid). After life threw us a curveball we ended up moving more than a thousand miles away from all our friends and family when I was 4 months pregnant. We relocated from Ontario, Canada to Portland Oregon and as always James and I were so excited for this new adventure. Piper was born here in Portland so now we’re just two Canadians raising a sassy American baby in Stumptown.
Let’s skip to the present. My confession for this week is that I’ve often thought to myself over the last month that Piper doesn’t like me. Now, before you jump to the comments just know that I’m aware she doesn’t actually hate me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel that way sometimes. I know all about how kids save their worst behaviour for the people they trust the most (aka mom and dad) because they know we will always forgive them. But when you are a tender-hearted, sensitive momma like me it’s so hard not to feel like my kid likes everyone better than me.
She turns on the charm for her friends and is way more likely to follow the rules when the order comes from someone else. She shows off the best, funniest parts of her personality for others but when it’s just the two of us she immediately goes for the naughty behaviour she knows will get a rise out of me. She is so fiercely independent that her new favourite phrase is “no touching me momma!” especially if I try to give her a hug or hold her hand. Again, my rational brain is telling me she is learning about boundaries and control over her body which is AMAZING but also makes me want to cry when my little one literally pushes me away. I’m too sensitive, I know. And it wouldn’t be a confession if I wasn’t a little embarrassed to share this part of myself with you.
I wish there were love languages for kids so I could know the best way to connect with the more sensitive side of her. And I will figure it out because I know her better than anyone else in the world. I’m so thankful to be her mom! And even though she probably gets a little bored of me sometimes, she loves me too.
What’s your confession this week? Let me know in the comments! If you see someone else post about a similar struggle leave them a comment of support and encouragement 🙂